Do you ever feel drawn to something and you haven't a clue why? Do you ever feel irresistably drawn to something even though for one reason or another you can not get any closer to it than where you already are?

On my first day at the seminary (Gosh! That day was only about 2 years ago, but it feels like a lifetime has passed.) I saw guys running around with a black habit like the Benedictines, but the scapular had the design on the left stitched on.
From the first moment I saw men from the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit I have felt a strange pull towards them and everything about their order. I had considered joining at one point, but then I left the seminary and the next thing I knew I was dating, engaged and married. I am happily married, but still I feel the attraction. I bought just about every book on Conchita (the mystic who inspired Fr Rougier to found the order).
I remember during the orientation week when I convinced a friend to walk down the hill with me during a break to see their house. In the back they have a BIG cross, similar to the one on the right (no clouds and no dove). One of their priest explained it to us and invited us in to show us around and tell us that we were always welcome to visit. The image is hung in at least one place that I can remember in Anselm Hall.
I checked out Conchita's books from the MA library and devoured them. She has a way of speaking to my soul. But backing to the pull, I still haven't a clue why or what I should do about it. In the meanwhile I just felt like ranting on my blog.